Shadow Hunter

Today I woke up feeling the locked up, stiff residue of what seemed like 20 very old injuries, plus one I didn’t even remember. Ouch! Painful. Not fun. At times, my mind is swirling and buzzing round and round with anxiety. Naysayers’ voices are muttering around sputtering worst-case scenarios in my head. I feel unsteady and panicky until I remember to still myself and breathe.

This is a lot of pain and discomfort to feel at once. 
This is a lot of pain and discomfort to feel at once. 
I am here breathing, accepting and allowing.

My body is contracting on its own. I follow that movement, breathing into it. Being so mindful, catching the very tail of the contraction, where the melting starts.

I catch the melting of muscles, tendons, and connective tissue. Then I exhale and ride the wave of expansion, feeling my true self rise on the inside more and more, stronger than before. Sometimes there ARE rainbows near the storm. Thankful.

I am not going back. Keep any advice. I took the red pill. I am interrupting any old patterns of numbing, dampening down, compartmentalizing, distracting, burying the hard stuff, deciding against my soul purpose and arguing for my smallness. My goal is to live deep-down way inside the core of my being. Within me, decades of dead stale energy are cleansed, expunged, and swept away bit by gracious bit.

Now, this is the furthest I have climbed out of whatever deep dark hole I have been in since birth? Before that? I am determinedly anchored in my current revealing process. Forward is the way, even if sometimes progress is measured in inches. I am present to this moment, 50 years in the making. I am here now. I am on it. A part of me is Shadow Hunter.

Nana korobi, ya oki. Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

A symptom is something halfway out, leaving me. I am letting it leave.

Breathe.